That's my guy!

If you're married, I've got good news and bad news.

The bad news is - the vast majority of your husband's character traits that bother you... are not going to change.

(That's why we call them character traits. You probably have some yourself!)

And that's sad. Not just for you - but for your husband, if you don't have the skills to deal with it.

I love this quote from Chana Levitan:

Sometimes we are so focused on our expectations that we don't really see the other person. We get angry and disappointed when our spouses don't live up to the the expectations we have.

Know what I mean? Yeah, I thought so.

And another quote:

"The more we can accept our spouse for who he is and assume that his behavior is just a part of his personality, the more we can step out of judgment, let go, and "allow" him to be himself. This letting go feels like a release of 200 extra pounds, because when we are not in a mode of acceptance, so much of our precious energy goes into resisting our spouse."

So, here's the good news:

I love this hack from marriage coach Kayla Levin. It's an affirmation, which is a phrase that you say to yourself (in your head mostly, or out loud if no one is around):

"That's my guy!"

What does it mean? Something like: "Yup, that's my husband, with all his quirks AND his positive qualities. He's not perfect, but I've got the whole package, and he's all mine!"

How do you say it to yourself? In a sing-song tone, with a wink and a grin, of course.

Your husband is telling corny dad jokes at the Shabbos table?

That's my guy!

Your husband is standing awkwardly at the side of the dancing during hakafos?

That's my guy!

He walks in and puts his jacket on the chair instead of in the closet?

That's my guy!

He eats a danish for breakfast instead of the fruit and yogurt you put out for him?

That's my guy!

Caution - this tool will not work for more extreme situations that greatly impact your life - nor is it meant to.

Wondering if it will work for you? Why not give it try and see what happens? I'd love to hear how it goes for you.